standing in the dark
by Waffles Of Doom
Summary: It would have been so easy to just yell after her in the airport, stop her from leaving. But he didn't, and now he's standing on the sidelines, watching her happy ending play out with someone who wasn't him. /oneshot


**standing in the dark.**

High school ended far too quickly and their final summer together ended even faster. Before Freddie had a chance to take it all in, they had broadcast their final iCarly, and they were all packed and leaving for college.

Carly had left for New York the previous day, and Freddie's flight to Boston was leaving in an hour. He and Sam were sitting by her gate as the final warning for her flight to LA buzzed over the intercom.

"Thats me." Sam said, standing up, grabbing the handle of her bag.

"I guess this is it then." Freddie said, following her lead and standing up next to her.

"Don't sound so final Benson," Sam said. "Its not like I'm dying."

"We're just flying to opposite sides of the county, that's all."

"Again, not dying." Sam said, looking over her shoulder. "I can't afford to miss this flight Benson."

"I know." Freddie sighed, looking at her carefully. He was simply going to wave her off, but as he looked at the smaller blonde girl looking at him, her gaze just as intense, he closed the space between them and hugged her tightly.

He breathed in her familiar scent, the strawberry flavour of her shampoo and the something so distinctly Sam he knew so well. "Have fun in LA Sam."

"Have fun doing nub-y stuff at MIT, dorkwad." Sam said, stepping back from him. She flashed him one more grin before slinging her bag over her shoulder, and heading for the gate.

Freddie watched her walk away, his heart racing. It would be so easy to yell out, stop her, stop her from leaving his life. So what if they were going to be thousands of miles away for the next four years, none of that mattered because he loved her, and he couldn't let her get away.

Not again.

As Freddie opened his mouth to call after her desperately, Sam turned around and gave him a quick wave.

_This is your chance Benson. Man up._

He tried to speak, but all that left his mouth was a croak. His mouth felt as dry as a sandpit, and all he could do was return the wave and watch as Sam walked away, disappearing through the gate.

"I am such a fucking idiot." Freddie muttered to himself.

"Are you okay honey?"

Freddie looked around to see a concerned looking woman standing next to him. "Uh, yeah, I just.."

"Its hard to let someone you love go." She commented.

"Yeah." He admitted. "It is."

"Sometimes its for the best honey." She gave him a smile. "Have a nice holiday."

"You too.." Freddie mumbled a reply, watching as the screen for Sam's flight changed, declaring boarding was now closed. That was is. That was his chance gone. She was on her way to LA, and he hadn't tried to stop her.

It took everything Freddie had not to sit down in the middle of the airport and just _cry_. Holding himself together _(just about), _he started the lonely walk toward his gate, and the rest of his life.

Maybe it was for the best that he hadn't stopped Sam.

_(or maybe he was just trying to convince himself that he hadn't just left he love of his life walk away without a backward glance.)_

_**four and a half months later.**_

It only took four and a half months for someone to do what Freddie hadn't and hold onto Sam. It was late on a Friday night, and Freddie was in his dorm room, pouring over one of his textbooks.

His roommate had gone out, and Freddie was thankful for the peace and quiet. He had his laptop open next to him, music softly playing from the speakers, and his Splashface page open.

He was waiting for Carly, or Sam, or Gibby to come online. It had been ages since he had talked to any of them, and Freddie thought a proper chat with any of them would quell the dreaded feeling that they were drifting apart.

He had glanced up to see if any of his friends had popped up on the chat box, a welcoming green 'online' icon next to their names, but instead saw a new relationship status.

Sam's new relationship status.

_Sam Puckett is in a relationship with James Anderson._

"What...?" Freddie raised an eyebrow. She had never mentioned anyone called James before, at least not to him. Curiosity getting the better of him, Freddie snapped his textbook shut, and clicked on James' name.

The page loaded quickly, displaying James' profile. James was majoring in music at USC, and a quick scan of his page told Freddie that he was a sophmore, originally from Nevada. He seemed to be a popular guy, and his profile picture was of him and Sam.

He hated him.

He knew it was completely illogical, but he _hated _James Anderson and everything about the stupidly attractive guy staring back at him from his laptop screen.

Freddie groaned.

James was attractive. And musical. And everything Freddie _wasn't_.

And he had Sam.

Freddie stared at the screen hopelessly. It was all his own fault really, but he couldn't help but want Sam back more desperately than he ever had. She had been his first, and that's, that's what counted right?

He almost slapped himself. He was sitting alone in his room, acting like a twelve year old girl with an obsessive crush.

College was just _fucking brilliant._

_**seattle, eleven (and a half) months later.**_

Freddie remembered the first time he met James all too clearly. They were all back in Seattle for Christmas, and Carly had texted him to come over to Spencer's apartment as soon as he could escape his mother.

Eventually he escaped his mothers clutches (with a little help form T-Bo) and pushed open the door to the Shay's apartment, announcing his presence with a loud 'hey-o.'

"Freddie!" Carly beamed, practically running across the room to hug him. "Its so good to see you! You're never going to believe this- Sam's here, and she's brought James!"

Freddie wasn't sure if he wanted to yell, or puke, or both. "Oh, really?" He said. "Where are they?"

"Here, Freddork." Sam grinned at him from where she was seated at the breakfast bar. "Long time no see Benson."

"A year and a half." Freddie said. "A long time indeed."

"Hey, its not my fault you were too engrossed in studying to come to California!"

Freddie laughed. "I haven't really changed then, have I?"

"Not in the slighest nub." Sam grinned. "Give mama a hug. Or I will break your arms."

"Can't fight that." Freddie said, and hugged Sam, probably a little _too _tightly. It had been a year and a half since the airport, a year and a half since he and let her get away, and-

"Anyway, Fredward," Sam said, pulling away. "I'd like you to meet James. James, this is the nub."

Freddie bared his teeth in what he hoped was some semblance of a smile as he shook hands with James.

"Its good to finally meet you man." James said. "Sam's told me a lot about you."

"She has?"

"Yeah, says you're a complete computer genius." James said. "Though I figured you;d go into film making, after iCarly and all that."

_You'd think._

"Dreams change," Freddie said, thinking of the coursework that awaited him when he returned to MIT. Was it too late to change his mind and go to New York instead? It had been so long since he'd picked up a camera and filmed something that he was starting to forget what it felt like.

"I hear you." James said. "I was going to do engineering when I first went to college, but you have to follow your heart."

"And the nub's heart just freaking races at the mere thought of Java Script." Sam teased.

"The heart wants what the heart wants." Freddie joked. "I'm impressed you remembered that though."

"Hey, occasionally I pay attention to what you're saying." Sam said. "Occasionally."

"You live in your own world sometimes, don't you Sam?" James nudged.

Sam stuck out her tongue at him. "Its a happy place, full of Bolivian bacon."

"What? I'm not there?" James pouted.

"That face doesn't work on me." Sam said, and suddenly her features melted. "But yeah, you're there too."

James simply smiled at her, leaning down for a kiss as Freddie looked away.

"Awh," Carly said softly to Freddie. "She's so in love with him. Its sweet."

"Yeah." Freddie lied, looking back at the couple, his stomach turning as he looked at Sam and James kiss. That was him once upon a time. He was the one who could kiss Sam whenever he wanted, it had been his hands on Sam's waist- _his, _not James Anderson's. "It is, isn't it?"

_**five years later..**_

Its not like he hadn't been expecting it, but it still sent an icy stab through Freddie's heart when he picked up a thick cream envelope addressed to him in Sam's loopy handwriting, and opened it up to find a wedding invite inside.

"Anything come in the post for me?"

Freddie looked up to see his girlfriend, Emma, looking at him expectantly. Her dark red hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, and she was clutching a notebook in her hand. Emma was finishing up law school at Columbia, and she was waiting for a letter about her bar exam.

"Nothing." Freddie said. "I'm sure it'll be here tomorrow Em."

"Whats that?" Emma asked, curiously looking at the envelope in Freddie's hand.

"Wedding invite."

"Oh, really?" Emma's face lit up, and she sidled over to him. "_Dear Freddork.." _She raised an eyebrow. "Freddork?"

"Its a nickname. She gave it to me when we were teenagers." Freddie said, smiling softly. "I should have known she couldn't resist using it, even on a wedding invite."

"That's sweet." Emma said. "I love how you guys are all still friends."

She took the invite from Freddie's grasp, reading it aloud. "_You are invited to celebrate the fact Sam Puckett and James Anderson are finally getting hitched.. _God, she's so funny! I can't believe I haven't met her yet, she must be a scream."

"She is."

"Well, obviously I guess. She's a comedian." Emma said, reading on. "_Get yourselves to LA, 15 June 2018 to eat, drink and be merry. Oh, and see Sam in a dress. PS, no shirtless Gibby's aloud."_

Emma looked at Freddie, smiling. "You'd better book it off work then! We could make a real holiday out of it." She said. "Or am I being-"

"Brilliant, as usual? Yes." Freddie tried to push any and all thoughts of Sam to the back of his mind, and focus on the girl in front of him. It wasn't that he didn't love Emma, he did, its just.. Sam.

He couldn't explain it, even now, but the blonde haired girl couldn't simply be a passing thought for him. One mention of her name and she took over his entire brain.

Emma kissed him lightly. "I can't wait to finally meet this mysterious Sam- it feels like you've been keeping her a secret from me."

"You're going to love her." Freddie assured her, and his half listened to what Emma said next, murmuring his agreement when she suggested getting Thai takeout for dinner, his gaze falling on the wedding invite.

He couldn't take his eyes off that first sentence.

_You are invited to celebrate the fact Sam Puckett and James Anderson are finally getting hitched.._

_Sam Puckett and James Anderson._

Not Sam Puckett and Freddie Benson.

_**15 June, 2018..**_

Freddie stood up with the rest of the guests as the wedding march began to play, his palms sweating. He hadn't seen Sam since his arrival in LA, and he was nervous. It was like being seventeen again.

A low gasp ran around the church, and Freddie looked behind to see why- and saw Sam. The past few years had been more than good to Sam, and she _glowed_ as she made her way up the aisle on Spencer's arm, her blonde curls carefully pinned into place, her white gown hugging every curve of her body.

She looked stunning.

He gave her a bright smile as she passed him, one she returned, mouthing a 'hi nub' at him, much to his delight. Freddie watched as she continued up the aisle toward James, who was standing at the top of the church looking like the happiest man alive.

Freddie didn't doubt that at that second, James was the happiest man alive. Who wouldn't be?

As Freddie watched the ceremony begin, he felt his heart race, and his mouth turn dry. Who was he kidding? He couldn't do this! He couldn't stand by and watch Sam, _his Sam_, get married to another man, he couldn't.

He was ninety nine percent sure he was about to get up and run when Emma spoke.

"Are you okay?" She inquired softly.

"Yeah." Freddie lied. "Its just strange, seeing Sam get married, thats all. We grew up together, so.. Its just weird. But good weird!"

Emma smiled, shaking her head at his babble.

Freddie forced himself to return the smile, turning his attention back to the ceremony. He should have been happy as he sat, watching Sam marry the love of _her _life, Emma next to him, her hand resting on his knee.

But he wasn't. The weight of Emma's engagement ring pressed against his leg was almost unbearable, and he couldn't help but feel like he had been left standing, completely alone, in the dark as he watched Sam Puckett become Mrs Anderson.

He had been an idiot not to yell at Sam to stop six years ago in that airport.

Now Sam was completely and utterly someone else's, and he couldn't do a damn thing to change it.

_I'm standing in the dark_

_She's dancing on the table_

_I'm looking through the glass_

_She's someone else's angel.._

**FIN.**

**Author's Note; **Apparently miracles do happen, I wrote something iCarly related again! I think the build up to the finale is inspiring me to get back into the fanfiction-y side of things. For the last two weeks or so anyway!

The title, and the lyrics at the end are taken from the song 'Standing in the Dark' by Lawson. I have no idea if it will improve the reading of this or not, its just a really good song and you should listen to it.

So yes. Feedback is much appreciated!


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